I Will Change

Wow! It feels like it has been a long, long time since I have written... or even thought of writing.

It also feels like I always start posts with that same statement. But it is a good start when you really don't know what to say. I thought about this old blog for some reason today at work so I decided to go back a read a few of my posts that I wrote. I read what I was thinking back in school when I thought I was a "good Christian". I read a couple posts from when I did not censor what I wrote. I read some posts from when I clearly was writing for the sake of it. they were dry and I did not finish them...

I have changed a lot since I first started writing. Many of my core beliefs are the same. Some of my other beliefs and views have changed pretty substantially. I have changed as a person too. I have matured in some areas and in others I feel like I have taken a large step backwards.

As I looked back to the person I used to be and the person I am now I noticed that I (in some ways) wish I was a little more like I once was. I don't feel like I am moving forward in my faith like I once was. I feel like I am at a stand still these days. I think I have moved along in my faith since I started writing, but I feel as if I have stopped, or at least slowed down. Not that moving at a slower pace is a bad thing. Not that I am aware of any way.

I look at the person I am today and I mostly find flaws. I feel like there is a lot of stuff I should work on. I hope to tackle some of these things. I hope to continue on in growing as a person and as a follower of Christ. I can not say I am motivated or excited to taking on the challenge of growth. I am not one for challenging myself lately but I know I have to motivate myself if I want to see progress. So I am saying the I will change. I will grow as a person and a Christian.

I will call this blog right here. The more I think about it the less I want to post this.

And this lap-top is making my lap REALLY warm.

Shine on y'all. *winky face*

A thought on Church.

A few years ago I had a friend say, “The main goal of every church should be to grow bigger…”

Over these past few years I have thought back to this whole conversation and specifically that statement. At first, in my less opinionated days, I agreed with this. However over the years as I have began to develop my own thoughts and opinions on church I have found myself not seeing totally eye to eye with this.

I am usually hesitant to write and be open with my opinion on this sort of thing because I know that I am extremely uneducated, and I do not like being made into a fool by the thoughts of those far smarter than me (which is most people I know). However, I figure if people who are just as uneducated as me can lead some churches, I can certainly share my thoughts and opinions on church.

As for my thoughts on this statement, I do not completely disagree with churches wanting to grow, but I do not totally believe this should be the main goal of a church. I think that the church as a whole- the body of Christ- should be eager to grow the body and bring more to God. I believe we are called to do so; it is part of our serving. As for each separate church in the body, I do not think this has to be the MAIN goal. Congregations will grow and shrink constantly, people change and sometimes that change leads them to another church. I think there are more important goals that churches should strive for, not just numbers.

I believe a churches main goal should be to pursue God, to dive into His word and to provide a community for ALL who walk through the doors. I believe a church should be a place that show love to anyone and every one and to allow them in with open arms and show them the same love Christ shows us. If a church starts playing the numbers game and trying to lead as many people as they can through the doors I think that a strong sense of community is lost.

I am not saying all this to bash churches with large congregations. Like I said this is my opinion, in a brief post. Some people love big churches... I am not one of those people. I am a small crowd kind of guy.

But it is my prayer that we (the body of Christ) are eager to spread God’s love and that we strive to be Disciples of Christ and continue growing the body. I hope and pray that we follow God where he leads us and that we, as Christians, will be loving and open to everyone; quick to forgive and show grace to, and show generosity to every one we cross paths with.

Amen.

Shine on ya’ll *Winky face*

Please, Friends.

Pray for me.... I have some HUGE decisions to make in the next weeks....

4 on the floor.

For a drummer who does not drum as much as he used to or as much as he should I sure throw a lot of money into the hobby. I can always use the excuse, “Quality does not come cheap.”

As true as this may be, I still can’t figure out how I throw all this money into it.

I buy some of the nicest cymbals money can buy, I but sticks by the truck load, I have so many add-on pieces that I rarely use and to top all this off I am looking at a custom drum company out of Winkler, Mb. They make gorgeous drums. In fact, I am planning on heading to Winkler sometime in March to take a look at some stuff. You know, try before I buy.

With all this money put towards my favorite past-time you think I would put all my focus into becoming the best I could be. This is (sadly) not the case. You see, this all falls back on my motivation or lack thereof. I often say I am too tired after a full days work to sit down and drum. Not only am I physically too tired but also mentally. Practice and screwing up is a total mental game. I rarely want to put my head through that. When I have gained enough energy after work it is usually too late to go down and drum. After all, the whole block can hear that.

The rare times I do drum at home are less practice times than they are times of me playing along with whatever song comes up on my ipod. I don’t do well with teaching my self new things, so I have pretty much stopped altogether. I just do what I know and I don’t branch out and try to learn something new. I have been drumming for 7, almost 8 years and in my opinion I am not as good as I should be. I know I could learn, but again… motivation not really there.

With all this said, I have bought myself some mesh practice heads. This will allow me to practice at any hour without disturbing anyone. They will allow me to screw up to no end, and I won’t have to deal with the thought that everyone can hear me botching a groove.

So, I hope all this helps me pick-up the sticks with a new motivation, and why not, maybe a new dream of where drumming can take me.

Shine on.

Patience? I Gots None…

I have found that there are not many things that piss me off more than a change to my plans.

I generally don’t make too many plans. But the times I do are usually important times. I work out a plan in my head over and over until I am satisfied with what I have concocted; to change them brings me so much frustration that it pushes me over the top.

I don’t like that something as small as a potential change to my plans can drive me into a fit. The truth is, plans changing are not the only things that have me on a short fuse. I have noticed myself lacking in the patience department of life. Not only am I on a short fuse, but these days I am not one for waiting. This can sometimes get me into an aggravating spot.

I like to blame all this on the fact that I have not had a full nights sleep since summer. Blaming lack of sleep is so much easier than admitting that I just don’t have the motivation to work on my patience.

My motivation is in roughly the same place as my patience. I do not find myself motivated to do much, writing is one of those things I haven’t cared to put effort into. I suppose I need to start kicking my own ass and getting motivated to work on change, to work on letting go of what burdens I am holding onto, to work on moving on and to get myself back on to a good track.

Shine on, y’alls.