I Will Change

Wow! It feels like it has been a long, long time since I have written... or even thought of writing.

It also feels like I always start posts with that same statement. But it is a good start when you really don't know what to say. I thought about this old blog for some reason today at work so I decided to go back a read a few of my posts that I wrote. I read what I was thinking back in school when I thought I was a "good Christian". I read a couple posts from when I did not censor what I wrote. I read some posts from when I clearly was writing for the sake of it. they were dry and I did not finish them...

I have changed a lot since I first started writing. Many of my core beliefs are the same. Some of my other beliefs and views have changed pretty substantially. I have changed as a person too. I have matured in some areas and in others I feel like I have taken a large step backwards.

As I looked back to the person I used to be and the person I am now I noticed that I (in some ways) wish I was a little more like I once was. I don't feel like I am moving forward in my faith like I once was. I feel like I am at a stand still these days. I think I have moved along in my faith since I started writing, but I feel as if I have stopped, or at least slowed down. Not that moving at a slower pace is a bad thing. Not that I am aware of any way.

I look at the person I am today and I mostly find flaws. I feel like there is a lot of stuff I should work on. I hope to tackle some of these things. I hope to continue on in growing as a person and as a follower of Christ. I can not say I am motivated or excited to taking on the challenge of growth. I am not one for challenging myself lately but I know I have to motivate myself if I want to see progress. So I am saying the I will change. I will grow as a person and a Christian.

I will call this blog right here. The more I think about it the less I want to post this.

And this lap-top is making my lap REALLY warm.

Shine on y'all. *winky face*

A thought on Church.

A few years ago I had a friend say, “The main goal of every church should be to grow bigger…”

Over these past few years I have thought back to this whole conversation and specifically that statement. At first, in my less opinionated days, I agreed with this. However over the years as I have began to develop my own thoughts and opinions on church I have found myself not seeing totally eye to eye with this.

I am usually hesitant to write and be open with my opinion on this sort of thing because I know that I am extremely uneducated, and I do not like being made into a fool by the thoughts of those far smarter than me (which is most people I know). However, I figure if people who are just as uneducated as me can lead some churches, I can certainly share my thoughts and opinions on church.

As for my thoughts on this statement, I do not completely disagree with churches wanting to grow, but I do not totally believe this should be the main goal of a church. I think that the church as a whole- the body of Christ- should be eager to grow the body and bring more to God. I believe we are called to do so; it is part of our serving. As for each separate church in the body, I do not think this has to be the MAIN goal. Congregations will grow and shrink constantly, people change and sometimes that change leads them to another church. I think there are more important goals that churches should strive for, not just numbers.

I believe a churches main goal should be to pursue God, to dive into His word and to provide a community for ALL who walk through the doors. I believe a church should be a place that show love to anyone and every one and to allow them in with open arms and show them the same love Christ shows us. If a church starts playing the numbers game and trying to lead as many people as they can through the doors I think that a strong sense of community is lost.

I am not saying all this to bash churches with large congregations. Like I said this is my opinion, in a brief post. Some people love big churches... I am not one of those people. I am a small crowd kind of guy.

But it is my prayer that we (the body of Christ) are eager to spread God’s love and that we strive to be Disciples of Christ and continue growing the body. I hope and pray that we follow God where he leads us and that we, as Christians, will be loving and open to everyone; quick to forgive and show grace to, and show generosity to every one we cross paths with.

Amen.

Shine on ya’ll *Winky face*

Please, Friends.

Pray for me.... I have some HUGE decisions to make in the next weeks....

4 on the floor.

For a drummer who does not drum as much as he used to or as much as he should I sure throw a lot of money into the hobby. I can always use the excuse, “Quality does not come cheap.”

As true as this may be, I still can’t figure out how I throw all this money into it.

I buy some of the nicest cymbals money can buy, I but sticks by the truck load, I have so many add-on pieces that I rarely use and to top all this off I am looking at a custom drum company out of Winkler, Mb. They make gorgeous drums. In fact, I am planning on heading to Winkler sometime in March to take a look at some stuff. You know, try before I buy.

With all this money put towards my favorite past-time you think I would put all my focus into becoming the best I could be. This is (sadly) not the case. You see, this all falls back on my motivation or lack thereof. I often say I am too tired after a full days work to sit down and drum. Not only am I physically too tired but also mentally. Practice and screwing up is a total mental game. I rarely want to put my head through that. When I have gained enough energy after work it is usually too late to go down and drum. After all, the whole block can hear that.

The rare times I do drum at home are less practice times than they are times of me playing along with whatever song comes up on my ipod. I don’t do well with teaching my self new things, so I have pretty much stopped altogether. I just do what I know and I don’t branch out and try to learn something new. I have been drumming for 7, almost 8 years and in my opinion I am not as good as I should be. I know I could learn, but again… motivation not really there.

With all this said, I have bought myself some mesh practice heads. This will allow me to practice at any hour without disturbing anyone. They will allow me to screw up to no end, and I won’t have to deal with the thought that everyone can hear me botching a groove.

So, I hope all this helps me pick-up the sticks with a new motivation, and why not, maybe a new dream of where drumming can take me.

Shine on.

Patience? I Gots None…

I have found that there are not many things that piss me off more than a change to my plans.

I generally don’t make too many plans. But the times I do are usually important times. I work out a plan in my head over and over until I am satisfied with what I have concocted; to change them brings me so much frustration that it pushes me over the top.

I don’t like that something as small as a potential change to my plans can drive me into a fit. The truth is, plans changing are not the only things that have me on a short fuse. I have noticed myself lacking in the patience department of life. Not only am I on a short fuse, but these days I am not one for waiting. This can sometimes get me into an aggravating spot.

I like to blame all this on the fact that I have not had a full nights sleep since summer. Blaming lack of sleep is so much easier than admitting that I just don’t have the motivation to work on my patience.

My motivation is in roughly the same place as my patience. I do not find myself motivated to do much, writing is one of those things I haven’t cared to put effort into. I suppose I need to start kicking my own ass and getting motivated to work on change, to work on letting go of what burdens I am holding onto, to work on moving on and to get myself back on to a good track.

Shine on, y’alls.

Nothing like a Godly Guilt Trip.

I am horrible at checking my emails. I often forget I have one. I decided to check it tonight and let me tell you, there was nothing special. I did, however, have my attention grabbed when I saw an email from an old “friend” from school. Yup, good ol’ Springs Christian Academy, how I loved my years there (sarcasm doesn’t shine through well in a blog post). The subject of the email read “Time for God”. Now, I am a Christian, I like to think I love the Lord. So, if I think these things I should probably make time and read this very important email.

All I can say is “Get real!”

This email was nothing but a chain letter. The difference was this one had a nice Godly guilt trip at the beginning. “If you truly love the Lord you will send this to ALL the people on your email.”

Really?! That is what I will do if I truly love the Lord? OH! I feel so enlightened. Now I know how to show that I am truly a follower of my creator. Revelations through email! Who would have thought? What an age we live in.

Maybe I am in the wrong, but I can think of far better ways to show God I love him than sending a guilt trip chain letter to all my friends. The email pointed out that many people don’t make time for God. I do agree with this. However, reading this and then being told to send, send, send was a waste of my time.

Maybe I am hardened maybe I needed to read that email. Who knows? All I know is, there is far better ways to make time for God and encourage people to do the same than typing out a guilt trip email. Then telling all of your friends to send it to all of their friends.

Do I need to make more time for God? Yes, I do. Do I feel like my time was used wisely in reading that email? Not at all.

So needless to say, you, my friends will not be receiving this email from me.

Shine on, ya'll.

Winter.... Bring it. (Update included...)

I found myself in Home Depot. I was really just along for the ride. I really had nothing to look for, but I started looking at the huge snow blowers they have. I must say they got me excited for winter to roll in. I love winter. I got excited for that first snow fall, sitting quietly watching it fall. Waking up the next morning to a white lawn. I love it! I am pumped for heading out before the streets are plowed and throw the Jeep into 4 wheel drive and going for a rip, it brings me joy.

I feel like a child... Good times.

Moving on....

It has been a while since I last wrote anything. Probably disappointing for many people. I am sure people look forward to reading through my dry, poorly written posts.

BUT, I will still give a short update for all y'alls.

However, not much is worth updating.

I guess I will say, that lately I have been struggling with much. I have many questions in my head. Questions like "where is God calling me now?", "What am I called to do with my life?", "How can I better serve God?" and "What is the next step I need to take?"

Those are just a few examples.

I cannot answer any of those questions at this time. Which, at times, drives me crazy.

However, I believe that I may have an idea as to how to respond to one of those questions.

"What is the next step I need to take?"

For a long time I have struggled with the idea of baptism. For a few years I have thought I should go for it but it never felt "right". However, as of late it feels like the right step for me to take. I am pretty excited to take the plunge, so to speak. I believe it will help spark change in my mind and in my heart.

I love baptisms. Watching others show their love for Christ in that way really gets to me, so I am excited to finally be taking that step.

That is all I can think of for now.

Shine on all y'alls.

House Sitter...

This weekend will be bringing me another new experience. I will be trying my hand at the game of house sitting. It might be that big of a deal, but I am excited to finally help out a family that has done so much and been so hospitable to me. When saying yes to this opportunity I failed to realize I will have lots of alone time with just me and my thoughts. Lately that has not been the best thing for me. Lately my head won't leave my head alone (Sweet Dave Matthews plug right there) but, who knows? Maybe this alone time will be good for me. One thing is for sure...

I will try my damnedest not to let dis bitch burn down.

Shine on.

Venting...

I have a lot on my mind lately (surprising, I know)… most of it heavy for me.

I needed to get some thoughts out of my head in hopes that I will begin to have a clearer mind. I usually don’t like to share my more “personal” thoughts and learning’s. Insecurity I suppose. I have a fear that if I write what I have learned in a form that seems to be proposing it as a new idea to others, they will think “I figured this out long ago.” I have no idea why this stops me from writing them.

But with recent happenings I just want to get as much out of my head as I can.

I do not even care if people read this. This is just my release. I thought about the journal idea but, I can’t read my own writing should I want to read this on a later day.

I do enjoy when people read my thoughts and agree with them. However, this time I could care less if people read this or agree with it….

Could this whole post be coming from the slight bitterness I am feeling lately? Possibly, but I hope that in clearing my mind bitterness will not take over my head, again…

It is my goal to keep this post from sounding bitter, or bitchy. I am also planning to censor certain thoughts.

But, enough dicking around…

Lately I have been thinking of what people say is “their calling” or what is “meant to be.” I feel as though we sometimes use these words as a way out of things. It seems that in tough times we question whether if we are called to that place or if this is meant to be. In hard times it is almost like we say “This is not my calling” or “this was not meant to be” and we use it as a way to run from our problems. I am guilty of this. I have done it before, will do it again and would do it now if I had the opportunity. But I have come to believe that even if we are where we are called to or something is meant to be it will still take lots of work, we will still go through struggles and it will not always feel like the right thing.

If we are called to something or somewhere we still have to put work in. We can not hit cruise and forget about it.

I find people often say “If it is meant to be it will happen.” Again, it will happen IF we are willing to work for it to happen.

“God has a plan.” True, but it takes work on our part to follow this plan. Things won’t always fall into place for us making it nice and easy to follow His plan.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe that if something really is not our calling or is not meant to be, it will probably fall apart in one way or another. I am just sharing my thoughts on one side of this topic.

I often find myself in a place of unwillingness to work to find God’s plan for my life. It is something I hope to change.

Anyway, I think I have vented enough for today.

I hope this will help clear my mind. I also hope that I will learn something through writing this and rereading it.

Shine on.

The past month I have been feeling real good, I've been excited and cheery. It was nice.

But now, I am down in the shits with a boiling temperature, no fuse left and a confidence level that seems to go along with it. Oh how I love this....

I need prayer...

Wasted Time.

Most of my close friends are out of town for the summer and it seems that I cannot get hold of any of my friends that are still in town. This makes for some really boring evenings. I have a lot of time on my hands, so I make the wise choice of wasting it watching t.v.

I am not even interested in most of the shows I find myself watching lately...

A show about the mating habits of a Rhinoceros...

Awkward...

Kicking ass.

Rainy day... No one around. I decided to clean my room. It was quite the mess, and my room seems to be a bit of a storage space for pieces of furniture or old electronics.

I kicked that mess right in the ass and moved some of the old furniture around. My room looks great now.

I am not a total lazy sack... At least not today.

I'll Never Write a Perfect Line, So I Don't Even Know Why I Waste My Time and Try...

I love my friends. The way I try show that I love them is to be a committed friend. I try showing the same commitment that my friends show me. However, at times I do not know how to show to my friends that I am committed. So many times I wish there was just one thing I could say that would bring them comfort through trials. If there is one thing I have learned and continue to learn through the trials my friendships have been through it is that, at times, it is better to say nothing at all. I recently heard some devastating news from a very close friend. I was shocked and did not know what to say. I wished there was something I could have said that would bring them some sort of comfort. This was not the case. I was speechless, but perhaps that wasn’t a bad thing. I hung out with my friend that whole evening. I didn’t make it home until 2 in the morning. Despite my friends very shitty happenings we had a fun time. We laughed and joked.

Though I did not have any wise words for my friend, I hope he knows him and my family are in my prayers. And through our times of laughter and joking I hope he sees me as a committed friend.

I hope to be the best friend I can to ALL my friends.

Shine on, friends.

Dear Phil Collins, you are the man.

This CD is my latest purchase.

It is full of familiar songs and some that are new to me.

One of my best purchases.

Shabing.

Well, I have been quite inactive on this, my blog. Now I realize this is probably disappointing for the masses, but I assure you I will try to post a little more frequently.
These past couple weeks have blossomed into great weeks for me. Last week I took a week off of work to make the trip to Covenant Heights for teen camp (insert joyous noises here). This week brought more good days. Rain, I must say I enjoyed the rainy days. Today brought a late work start (1 pm) which allowed me to sleep my face off this morning. Something I needed and appreciated.

Just a little update for everyone who was concerned.

P.s.
As for the title, it is from a story i wrote for school last year. I found it while rummaging through an old school binder. I am still considering sharing it.

Amazing Physical Specimen...

The other day I found my self in a local Safeway buying some drinks. While in line I happened to notice the cashier (who thankfully was a female) givin’ me the visual rundown, in other words, she was pretty much checking me out. Now I, being the amazing physical specimen that I am, was not surprised by this. When it was my turn to purchase my items she seemed to be a tad gigglier than with the previous two customers. I did not know how to react to this. When the time came to give her my phone number for the sweet Safeway discounts she asked for my number 2 more times. “Okay sorry, I’m going to need that ONE more time.”

I have come to two conclusions about this; either she had a terrible hearing problem or she was trying to memorize my number. Whatever the case is it was a huge confidence booster. After leaving I rushed to my friend’s house to tell him of this. We laughed…

This story is true. I found this whole experience hilarious. I think about it from time to time and laugh. I would be lying if I were to say she was not good looking.


She has not called… Yet.

Dah...

Well, spring has arrived and already it has this fat guy complaining about the heat. I have admit, although I love Spring and Summer just as much as I love Fall and Winter, I would much rather work in the cold than in the heat.

Anyways, I have started thinking about my future (near and distant, I suppose). I started thinking about the summer and I became concerned. Camp came to mind and the realization that I might have to miss camp this year; it bugged me and frankly, pissed me off a little bit. I have been thinking where I want to go, and what I want to do in the near(ish) future. My thoughts were ridiculous, even to me, which is discouraging to me in a way. It seems my dreams don’t line up with my talents or my income. It feels like my mind is in chaos right now and my patience is a short fuse again.

I have come to respect people who can screw-up, laugh it off and become motivated to improve. Lately, I will screw-up at something as small as practicing drums and I get ticked and lose my motivation to keep playing. It’s something I hope to improve, but as I lose motivation easily improvement is something that is easier to talk about than to do.

We’ll see where these thoughts take me…

On a lighter note, The Muppets Take Manhattan was on TV today and it stoked my love for the muppets once again.
"Dear Kermit, Wakka wakka wakka, but seriously."

Also, the sixth season of The Simpsons on DVD fills my days with laughter. It was definitely a wise purchase, if I do say so myself.

Contagious Joy.

I am truly a blessed person. I am blessed more than I realize. I have realized that I have a large number of friends that bring me joy. Nearly all of my friends have a contagious joy in them. I can’t be around them and be upset for long. It is a joy that rubs off on me and everyone around them, it is a refreshing time when I am around them. I am glad to have all these friends. I feel blessed to have friends that bring me laughter and a seemingly endless amount of good times and good conversation.

Shine on.

Learning.

I have been learning new things about myself lately. I haven't had any big realizations about myself, I have mainly just been noticing little things that I didn't pay much attention to before.
Here is a little taste. (Because I know you are dying to hear what I am learning...)

I like the money I am making from a full-time job, but I am not sure if I am as ready for a full-time job as I once thought.

I like my job, but I don't like being exhausted all week. This has brought a whole new appreciation for weekends.

I don't mind being alone at times, but I do not like eating a meal alone. I have no idea why I dislike eating alone. Something about a meal that should be shared.

I don't hang out with my friends enough.

Drumming can either relax me, or send my frustrations over the edge.

I spend too much money, but I am also pretty cheap.

I am really good in bed... I can sleep for hours. (Ha!)

That's some things I have noticed about myself... They have been bouncing around in my head for a while so I figured I would dump them out.

Keep the good times glowin'.

I don't know... (the second)

I have started to dig into this statement “I am a Christian but I am not religious/ I hate religion.”
This statement has me confused, and I have been for quite some time.
I am starting with the basics, the definition of religion.

Religion: a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

A specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects.

The body of persons adhering to a particular set of beliefs and practices.

Now the definition of Christianity…

The Christian religion, including the Catholic, Protestant, and Eastern Orthodox churches.

How can someone claim to be a Christian and yet be unreligious? Looking at these definitions makes it seem impossible to me. Again I ask, do people actually know what they are saying when they claim to be a Christian and unreligious? How do you follow Christ and not practice the ways of the Christian religion? Do you practice the ways of Christianity and just call it something else? Do people say they are unreligious because religion as a whole has had a bad sound in the ears of people over the years?

This is a strange statement to make. I don’t understand how someone can say it. Which again makes me think, do people that say it actually know what they are saying or meaning?

Shine on.