He Said "No, I don't like the way I am"

It has been ten days since I last wrote something on this blog of mine. I usually only write something if it has been on my mind for a while. Well, there has been a lot of stuff on my mind in these ten days and it’s not that my thoughts aren’t worth writing about (although, maybe they aren’t), but instead I have noticed that I have not wanted to share my thoughts with anyone these days. I have noticed myself beginning to keep my thoughts, burdens, questions and concerns to myself. I have never really shared all my thoughts and feelings with someone but releasing or venting some of them helped me “keep it together”. Lately I have noticed my patience is on a short fuse. I don’t know if this is coming from a lack of sleep, a loaded mind or possibly, a combination of the two. What I do know is, even the smallest things can set me off. Not long ago a friend of mine called me an idiot and I was ready to cuss them out for it. Usually I pay no attention to a statement like that because I know the intention was not to hurt me. Lately “keeping my cool” or flipping out at someone is like hanging over the edge by a thread and when that thread breaks there is a dam burst of profanity. I don’t know why I have or when I got a cuss filled mouth but I am not very proud of it.

I’m hoping that throwing these thoughts out there will help lengthen this short fuse I have. I do know it will take more work than just sharing what I’m thinking again. I think I’m up for the challenge… I hope.

Shine on.

Where Are You Going?

I am not one to make New Years resolutions, but I had a thought to maybe live, act and speak in a different in this New Year. Now it is close to being two weeks into the New Year and that goal has already come crashing down in a spectacular ball of wreckage. I know to change is a long and tough process, which is discouraging to me, at times. Lately, for some reason I have been thinking of friends and what they mean to me. I find myself thinking of a name of a friend and making a list of attributes in my head. I think about what glimpses of God I can see in their actions towards me and others. It has helped me appreciate my friendships even more. From friends, I started thinking of God and making this “list” of who God is to me. I have come up with a list that is something like this:

God is,
My teacher,
Unconditional love,
My forgiver,
My protector,
My comfort,
My deep joy,
My encouragement,
And my challenger.

I thank God for being all of these things to me. This encourages me to set challenges out for myself, not just because it is the new year but because I have a longing to grow closer with God as I live. This new year will bring me many challenges and new experiences. I have no idea where these challenges and experiences will take me.
It’s my hope that I will be reminded of what and who God is to me as I go through this year questioning, growing, and challenging myself and my faith.