Sunday, May 24, 2009

Can't always try follow the map.

So earlier this year I was really wanting to go to a huge convention called CHIC. It was what I was looking forward to the most for the summer. I had it all mapped out. Graduate, hit up camp, then off to CHIC I go, perfect plan. I was super excited. Then I found out that I wasn't going to be able to go, because I was the one who would have to pay the rest of my Springs tuition off. I was almost crushed. The worst part was I wasn't going to make it up to camp either. Then one evening I was told about the Camp Ministry team. All summer 3 different camps, and money. Sha-bam! Perfect right? I was already late on the application deadline, but it was extended. Yes! So I got my application in as fast as I could. About two or so weeks later, so today, was my interview. I got the job. WOW! I had a huge eye opener today. I had my summer all mapped out. I was excited to do all that. I had my perfect "grad summer" planned out. When the plan hit the fan (rhymes with Jigganaut) I was mad, not frustrated. I was straight up mad. However, my eyes were opened today to the fact that God may have different plans than we have. Not saying that CHIC wouldn't be a life changing experience, but who is to say I won't get to go in a couple years as a leader? Maybe God has that in a later plan.

I am beyond excited to spend the summer making good friendships, and growing deeper with the friends I already have. It's going to be a packed summer, but I do feel called to this experience. It will teach me lots. I'm hoping to come out of this summer, being changed.
Sometimes we all need a good eye opener. I another one today. Sometimes it's good to drop the maps and just go on an adventure.
"Enjoy life and take the Lord along for the ride."


Keep on ya'll.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Joy? How you doin'? It's been a while.

This week has, so far, been a very interesting week for me. Monday I came back from Jr. High Rise, a fantastic youth retreat with great memories. The ride home from Norquay was one filled with an abundance of laughter and thought provoking conversation. It was a lovely addition to the fantastic weekend. Tuesday was the dreaded back to school day. I was not looking forward to the hustle and bustle of school days. I was going to miss all my friends from different parts of the country. I was going to miss the great times we had. However, I was eager to get back to all my friends back home. To tell them stories, make them laugh and have some more great times with all my good friends in Winnipeg. I was not disappointed. My friends were, once again, there to listen to my ramblings of the weekend. I appreciated it, after all, I do love telling stories. One thing I've noticed since being back is a subtle change in me. For example, I have noticed I have been saying less negative things and replaced them with positive things. I do not know if anyone else has noticed, or if I am totally deceived, and I'm no different. I personally think I am improving though. I've even found myself smiling a lot more. Corny as it may sound, it feels real swell. I feel joy slowly slipping back into my life. I was definitely in a rough spot of bitterness for a while after being hurt by a once close friend. Crazy thing to me is, I have since talked to this friend during the week. This time with no feelings of anger, bitterness and with no gawky experiences. The conversations obviously aren't smooth flowing as they used to be, but I have found myself able to smile, and give it the "fat kid" chuckle in this persons presence which happens to be a big improvement for me. Forgiveness found its way into me again.
All in all, the joy I saw over the weekend has began to rub off on me. It's feeling good. Even though I can't get over how much I miss the times of joy I experience at the retreat, Joy is still working in me. Joy is still rubbing off on me from all my friend at home. I appreciate both "groups" of friends equally, and love the times of delight with them. It's good to have a feeling of good ol' cheer coming back into my life.

I appreciate all my friends, and the times of glee (love that word) I share with all them. Thank-you to ALL my friends.
Be well and shine on ya'll.

Monday, May 18, 2009

It's been a long day, it's been a good day.

Home from a long weekend, that flew by faster than I would have liked. As I look back on the weekend, all I have do is breathe a big sigh of satisfaction. The days were the perfect. They felt long until you are getting into bed wondering where the time went. They were days of laughter with good people, good conversation, and of reflection. They were days of feeling refreshed. Days full of great times with great people. Days that I will remember for a long time. I miss it already. I miss the good ol' circle of conversation, people telling stories, jokes and laughter. I miss the easy going pace of the days. It was nice to get away from all the stress. Only to return to the stress after 5 short days. But with a difference. The feeling of refreshment hasn't left. Throughout the weekend bitterness, feelings of resentment and the stubbornness to forgive left. In a way that was either so fast, or way to gradual for me to notice. I just felt my easy going character slowly start to come back. Or as I recently said to a friend, "I finally crawled back on to my floaty device that took me where the flow went. I'm not longer trying to fight the current. I'm no longer stressing over the little things. I'm finally back on my floaty device, lovin' the ride." Sounds like a ridiculous way of putting it eh? Well, that's because it is, but I must say, it feels real darn good.
The realization of this came when before falling asleep a name popped into my head, a name that usually is accompanied with hard feelings and bitterness. This time it was just the name, followed with the question. "gee, I wonder how they're doing lately."
I miss the times of joy, the times of silence, times of reflection and the times of interaction with lovable people. But those kinds of time won't stop there. Times like that will continue now that I am back home. The feeling of release is a good one too. The good times are great memories, but the refreshment is still a present feeling. For that I am grateful.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

A short Thought.

Truly the richest among us are the ones rich in the spirit.

Don't know where I heard that, or if I came up with it... I doubt I did though.
Thoughts about it?

Monday, May 4, 2009

Forgiving...

As I was sitting on my computer this evening listening to some music, not thinking about nothing important... if anything at all. I happened to start listening to a song that got me to thinking about my life as it is in the present and how it has been in the past. The lyrics that stood out to me in this song were simple, possibly on the "emo" side, but maybe not.
"Cause I've started falling apart I’m not savoring life I have forgotten how good it could be to feel alive."

These words caused me really reflect. I don't think the song has anything to do with what I was thinking about, but this is how it hit me. These lines got me thinking about my life in the present. Lately I find myself having little patience and at times, none at all. I find myself being very short tempered, snapping at folks for just being themselves. I have been quite the "negative ninny" to put it in a nice way. This way of acting didn't really strike me until I was called an "asshole" and a "Jerk" on many occasions.
The thing is, I definitely have not always been this way. Even earlier this year I was an easy going person, didn't let a lot of small things get to me, and I definitely had patience. I was an inviting person, I felt people enjoyed to be around me. Lately the whole "inviting person" as been circling the drain.
I just blamed all these problems of mine on challenges and tough times this year. Recently I had a change of thought. A thought that these problems I've been having with patience and what not isn't because of rough times. It's because of my own stubbornness to forgive. It's because my own resentment towards some people.
The lyrics hit me because slowly I've found all my positive qualities fading. I've began to once again hide my true feelings in a shell. I've become less social, and a lot less patient. I've started feeling like I don't enjoy life in general. I have started to forget how good it feels to be the person everyone feels welcome around.
One evening I had this sudden thought of a persons name, along with the thought of forgiveness. coincidence? Definitely not. I started thinking about this person... At one point me and this individual were very close friends, then the whole friendship went down the drain and ended on very lousy terms. I was hurt, and began to show a strong distaste for this person. I held my hurt and garbage feelings against this person, as if it was their fault. I did not realize how much it ended up affecting me.
I find myself struggling with my resentment towards this person and my stubbornness to forgive this person. I have been finally allowing God to work in me again, and with His help I have began to break these hard feelings. It is not easy, but how sweet it will be to be free from this bitterness, this stubbornness, this lack of patience. How sweet it will be to finally be the kind of person that welcomes people.
How sweet it will be to begin to feel "alive" again, to enjoy life once again, to not feel like my good qualities are about to be flushed.

"Enjoy life and take the LORD along for the ride"(perfect quote!)