Forgiving...

As I was sitting on my computer this evening listening to some music, not thinking about nothing important... if anything at all. I happened to start listening to a song that got me to thinking about my life as it is in the present and how it has been in the past. The lyrics that stood out to me in this song were simple, possibly on the "emo" side, but maybe not.
"Cause I've started falling apart I’m not savoring life I have forgotten how good it could be to feel alive."

These words caused me really reflect. I don't think the song has anything to do with what I was thinking about, but this is how it hit me. These lines got me thinking about my life in the present. Lately I find myself having little patience and at times, none at all. I find myself being very short tempered, snapping at folks for just being themselves. I have been quite the "negative ninny" to put it in a nice way. This way of acting didn't really strike me until I was called an "asshole" and a "Jerk" on many occasions.
The thing is, I definitely have not always been this way. Even earlier this year I was an easy going person, didn't let a lot of small things get to me, and I definitely had patience. I was an inviting person, I felt people enjoyed to be around me. Lately the whole "inviting person" as been circling the drain.
I just blamed all these problems of mine on challenges and tough times this year. Recently I had a change of thought. A thought that these problems I've been having with patience and what not isn't because of rough times. It's because of my own stubbornness to forgive. It's because my own resentment towards some people.
The lyrics hit me because slowly I've found all my positive qualities fading. I've began to once again hide my true feelings in a shell. I've become less social, and a lot less patient. I've started feeling like I don't enjoy life in general. I have started to forget how good it feels to be the person everyone feels welcome around.
One evening I had this sudden thought of a persons name, along with the thought of forgiveness. coincidence? Definitely not. I started thinking about this person... At one point me and this individual were very close friends, then the whole friendship went down the drain and ended on very lousy terms. I was hurt, and began to show a strong distaste for this person. I held my hurt and garbage feelings against this person, as if it was their fault. I did not realize how much it ended up affecting me.
I find myself struggling with my resentment towards this person and my stubbornness to forgive this person. I have been finally allowing God to work in me again, and with His help I have began to break these hard feelings. It is not easy, but how sweet it will be to be free from this bitterness, this stubbornness, this lack of patience. How sweet it will be to finally be the kind of person that welcomes people.
How sweet it will be to begin to feel "alive" again, to enjoy life once again, to not feel like my good qualities are about to be flushed.

"Enjoy life and take the LORD along for the ride"(perfect quote!)