Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Autumn

Fall is here, and not much has changed for me. It seems as if I never leave the sod farm, only to come home for a short nights sleep then back to work I go. It seems I don’t get to see much of my family or closest friends anymore. I am constantly sitting in a tractor or standing on the back of one. It has been like this since the end of August, working in the heat of the day and returning home late at night.

There is one thing that is different from August, the cool, crisp fall air has come and settled in. It feels as if in one quick night I went from wearing shorts and a t-shirt to thick jeans, work boots, sweaters, toques and anything else I can find for some warmth. Harvesting has slowed down a bit over the past week so I’m usually sitting in a tractor mowing the fields. For once I don’t mind being out at the farm. I don’t enjoy sitting in the same spot for long hours but I enjoy the clear cool fall days. Looking at the once green forest that has now turned into a medley of reds, oranges and yellows, watching as the leaves that have already fallen off the trees skip across the field on the tips of the dancing grass. Every so often I jump out to stretch my legs and to clean the thatch off the mowers, the cool air and nippy wind soon have me retreating to the warmth of the tractor. It doesn’t have a heater but it breaks the wind and the sun does a nice job of heating up the cab. When the sun drops behind the trees and I am under a vast moonlit sky, I always look up hoping that tonight will be the night I catch a glimpse of the northern lights for the first time in what seems to be forever. To say the job of sod farming has grown on me would be a lie, I would still prefer to be at home or to go out with family of friends, but fall is keeping me positive for the days. Sitting in a tractor for long hours isn’t all bad when I can observe the season while listening to Keb’ Mo’ and Dave Matthews… Ah fall.

Friday, September 11, 2009

We'll see just how committed I really am...

I have had just about had enough of the drumming scene. To be honest, I have been overwhelmed by frustration with my drumming for a while and I do not think I can handle much more. I am ready to pack it in. My abilities have plummeted to an all time low. I can not hold a beat anymore, I can not keep a rhythm going, I can not do the things I used to be able to do and I am honestly not having much fun with it anymore. It feels that my skills have peeked and started to decline ever since I stopped taking lessons. I don't have the money to start taking them again and my old teacher moved away. I am so damn sick of playing the wrong techniques and wasting money because of it. Recently I discovered I have been hitting my cymbals the wrong way and now have a 170 dollar piece of shit metal sitting in my basement and I don’t have the drive or the motivation to go buy a new cymbal. I am pissing my money away on something that I feel is not going to take me anywhere. I really do not know how committed I am to this instrument anymore. It’s hard to be encouraged when I am declining in skill. I’m thinking I am going to put the sticks down for a bit and take a break; explore the whole percussion scene a bit more and maybe, if I feel like I have it in me, go back to drumming. I am not giving it up for good; I will still play at church, but my “recreation” drumming… I’m giving that a rest. Maybe with the money I save I can buy something useful, a car perhaps? A device that will take me somewhere.


I have been losing patience gradually with it all and I am pretty much at the end… So, we’ll see how committed I really am to this whole drumming business.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Just a thought on conversation.

I have been doing some thinking about conversation. It seems we feel like we grow closest to friends when we have deep meaningful conversations and I would tend to agree with that, but I feel as if the “meaningless” and “shallow” conversations do not get paid enough respects. I really do not think there is such thing as meaningless conversation and some people may disagree, but I feel that every conversation, however deep or however silly and pointless, is meaningful. Connecting with people on any level is showing love and because of that I find it meaningful. I cherish all types of conversation I have with anyone I know. I would not classify one as better than the other. I enjoy joking, laughing and rambling on about nothing, but I also enjoy sharing my thoughts, my feelings and my heart. I find any type of conversation to bring me closer to my friends and I love conversation, no matter how silly or deep it is.

Just a quick thought.