Friday, November 27, 2009

A New Challenge.

I recently received a letter; well it was through email but a letter nonetheless. It was a letter that, in a way, wrapped up my summer on the ministry team and also gave some suggestions from folks at camp and also fellow team members; the people that spent the whole summer with me, on somethings I could work. To read something that suggests what I could improve on has never been easy for me. I usually like to deny it or I just get pissy and start talking down about myself, even when I see it coming. Either way, it’s not healthy. This time while I read through the letter I made sure to keep my feelings and emotions in check. After finishing, I was neither in a state of denial or in a pissy mood. I took it positively, though it was still a tough realization; I was encouraged to work on the things mentioned. I see it as a chance to allow God to work in me and my life; something I have been slightly reluctant or hesitant to. I hope this is a maturing and a shaping time for me.

Shine on.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

What to do with all this time...

The sod season has been over for about a month now(for me anyway) and I am currently between jobs, that is the nice way to put “I’m a jobless bum that lazes around home all day.” I have applied at some places with unsuccessful results. In all honesty I should be applying at way more places than I have been, but my thinking is if I’m trying to find a job that I actually keep for a while I would rather it be something that I enjoy and not something I dread. I would sooner make less money doing something I find fun than making lots of money and dreading the work I do. For now, I will keep looking for jobs I may enjoy doing and hope I score huge and find one.
Anyway, in my time at home I usually find myself alone, after all everyone else in my family is doing something productive with themselves, in all this time I aim to be productive. This is not usually the case. I will admit that between practicing my drumming and maybe taking the pooch for a stroll I usually find myself filling my time with mindless unproductive activities. But with all this time I have managed to get some thinking down, it may not sound all that productive to others because my thinking isn’t helping with anything, but my thinking isn’t always centered around what show is on next, or how stupid that person’s status update is on Facebook, or whose CD I should buy next (a Tom Petty cd is a strong candidate though). Instead, I have found myself thinking about my faith and what I believe about Christianity. So many times I have found myself in a place of struggling with what I actually believe.
My faith is something I have been struggling with and questioning for a very long time. I have not been questioning whether or not I am a Christian or if I believe in God, but I question what I believe about it, just like everyone else. I fought through this during high school. I was being exposed to many VERY different teachings, teachings from school, home, church and friends. I found my self in a place of confusion. I didn’t know where I stood in all this, what I agreed with and what I did not.
I still have questions and plenty of them. Though I still have a lot of questions and I am still struggling through seemingly endless junk, I honestly believe that I have matured in my faith, though to some it may look like I have almost taken a step backwards. I still do not have a strong feeling of where I stand or what I believe about faith but I am excited to continue digging and learning new things about Christianity and about myself.

This is a pretty vague and general post of what I am feeling like, but it is as specific as I am going to be for now.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Remembrance Day? What's that?

Is Remembrance Day actually mean something to people anymore? Or is it just a day off and all your favorite stores open a bit later?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Haza for a change of season!

Halloween has been over for a bit now and I can’t even explain how thankful I am for that. Oh how I loathe that time of year. Some of the “decorations” that people think of are just disgusting, or just so ridiculous I want to be a juvenile delinquent that mutilates the set-up with a carefully chosen tool of destruction. But now it is over, and already the gear has been shifted to Christmas. Christmas on the other hand is a holiday I used to be neutral to, but now sit in a somewhat antsy anticipation for its arrival. I love that time of year so much. I love the thought of being with family, smiling faces, the act of giving, and who doesn’t like receiving a hilarious or clever gift? I find it a bit odd that I am already thinking about Christmas when we are missing the most important part, snow. But the store set-ups and all my new snow gear has me anxiously waiting for the first snow fall, and the holidays and the first trip out onto the lake for some ice fishing. Ah it is truly wonderful.