Venting...

I have a lot on my mind lately (surprising, I know)… most of it heavy for me.

I needed to get some thoughts out of my head in hopes that I will begin to have a clearer mind. I usually don’t like to share my more “personal” thoughts and learning’s. Insecurity I suppose. I have a fear that if I write what I have learned in a form that seems to be proposing it as a new idea to others, they will think “I figured this out long ago.” I have no idea why this stops me from writing them.

But with recent happenings I just want to get as much out of my head as I can.

I do not even care if people read this. This is just my release. I thought about the journal idea but, I can’t read my own writing should I want to read this on a later day.

I do enjoy when people read my thoughts and agree with them. However, this time I could care less if people read this or agree with it….

Could this whole post be coming from the slight bitterness I am feeling lately? Possibly, but I hope that in clearing my mind bitterness will not take over my head, again…

It is my goal to keep this post from sounding bitter, or bitchy. I am also planning to censor certain thoughts.

But, enough dicking around…

Lately I have been thinking of what people say is “their calling” or what is “meant to be.” I feel as though we sometimes use these words as a way out of things. It seems that in tough times we question whether if we are called to that place or if this is meant to be. In hard times it is almost like we say “This is not my calling” or “this was not meant to be” and we use it as a way to run from our problems. I am guilty of this. I have done it before, will do it again and would do it now if I had the opportunity. But I have come to believe that even if we are where we are called to or something is meant to be it will still take lots of work, we will still go through struggles and it will not always feel like the right thing.

If we are called to something or somewhere we still have to put work in. We can not hit cruise and forget about it.

I find people often say “If it is meant to be it will happen.” Again, it will happen IF we are willing to work for it to happen.

“God has a plan.” True, but it takes work on our part to follow this plan. Things won’t always fall into place for us making it nice and easy to follow His plan.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe that if something really is not our calling or is not meant to be, it will probably fall apart in one way or another. I am just sharing my thoughts on one side of this topic.

I often find myself in a place of unwillingness to work to find God’s plan for my life. It is something I hope to change.

Anyway, I think I have vented enough for today.

I hope this will help clear my mind. I also hope that I will learn something through writing this and rereading it.

Shine on.